[personal profile] jarnsaxa
Chapter 26 Part 1
“Al.“ Ed took a deep, frustrated breath and looked at his brother. “It doesn´t really work that way.”
Edward Elric explaining the bees and, well, the bees to his brother, at the younger brother’s insistence, was not something Roy thought he should hear.  This uncomfortable lecture had the potential to become either a severe trauma, or a really awkward disaster. Or both.  Either way, Roy was pretty sure that this was going to be hilariously educational. Not to mention that it served Edward right for letting Roy suffer with a hard dick and bound wrists, the brat. The Colonel wasn’t sure how he would make it home if the ache in his lap did not decrease by the time he had to leave. Blue balls were a condition he had suffered far too often in the last two weeks, a condition he hoped never to experience again once this bet was over.  There were still twelve days left until he was off the hook however, and Roy didn’t hold out much hope for his poor, colorful balls catching a break in the mean time.  As for his dick, he had barely managed to get the vengeful General back into his pants.
“I mean, neither one of us is a girl,” Ed continued.  "It wouldn´t be a gay relationship if a girl were involved.  I mean, it´s kind of… uhm… hard ...” Ed blushed a deep red and Al stared at his brother like the fly at the spider.
“Hard ... ?” If possible, the younger blonde´s eyes even got bigger, and he looked ready to faint.
His older sibling seemed to realize what exactly he had just said and how it could be interpreted.  “To explain! I mean it´s hard to explain!” Ed blushed and looked at his hands.
Roy had to bite his lip to not make a sound betraying his amusement.  Unable to cope with this situation, Ed was only making matters worse.  Roy suspected that Al’s insistence that Ed explain the dynamics of a gay relationship had more to do with exacting revenge on his brother than a legitimate desire to understand.  Indeed, Roy also suspected that Alphonse understood far more than he let on.
The youngster’s next words confirmed this.  “Uhm… brother?” Alphonse’s hesitant question made Ed look up warily. “You don´t need to explain ... that to me. I do already know about those things.”
“You do?” Ed’s voice had gone up a full octave.
“Of course I do,” Al nodded with an innocent smile on his lips. “It was pretty obvious that you two were attracted to each other, so I thought that while you two were talking –“ he send a disapproving glance their way, “-I could go to the library and – “
Al stopped and looked around, then winced with apparent guilt and quickly got to his feed.  Only now did Roy notice the large cloth bag lying by the door where it had most likely been dropped when Al had rushed to the kitchen to break up the fight he expected to find.
The young man returned to his seat and began to pull book after book out of the bag, placing them on the coffee table.
LGBTQ Amestris Today: An Encyclopedia.
Gay and Lesbian Issues: A Reference Handbook.
Routledge International Encyclopedia of Queer Culture.
Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientation
In the Pink.
Roy blinked, trying to rid his mind of the image of Alphonse Elric searching the library for books on homosexuality, but his mind didn’t want to cooperate.  The stack on the coffee table was still growing.
“Al, books are not the answer to everything,” he said.
Ed however didn´t seem to find anything strange in the situation. Probably because, as an Elric, he would have done the same. No matter what topic, a library and books were always their first step into informing themselves.
Reaching out to take a look at the books, the Colonel noticed a bookmark in between the pages of one.  He picked it up to see the title.
“Gay Relationships for Dummies.” He read aloud, not really believing that there was actually a book with a title like that.
“Are you serious?” Ed leaned over and snatched the book away.
The next one held the glorious, rainbow-colored title ‘The Gay Book’.   Roy flipped it open at random, and wished he hadn’t.  He would have preferred to live without seeing the picture of two hairy men in their late forties making out.  Thankfully the men were positioned so that the Colonel’s eyes were spared the worst.  There were probably plenty of people who preferred bears like that, but Roy was not one of them. Really, a man can shave. Make that bit of effort and distance ones appearance from that of a damn gorilla.
Not daring to chance another visual assault, Roy settled for reading more titles.
My Gay Son.
Gay Reality.
Gay – Lifestyle and Culture.
Roy felt offended, though he knew that was unreasonable.  Hadn’t these authors ever heard of bisexuality? 
Hold on.
Roy glanced at Al, but the teen looked like innocence personified while he observed his brother flipping through one of the other books.  Ed suddenly appeared quite offended and closed the questionable text with a bang, throwing it on the table.
“What a load of crap,” he commented. “Who wrote this? A woman?”
While Roy would have asked his former subordinate to elaborate any other day, his gaze wandered back to the book in his hand.
“Al… you didn’t pick all these out by yourself, did you?” the Flame Alchemist asked with suspicion.
“No, the librarian helped me,” Al told him.  “He said I should come back if I have any questions.”
“What the fuck?” Edward had noticed the title of the book Roy was holding, but Roy was prepared and Ed’s attempt to snatch that book away failed. The blond frowned and opened his mouth, a combination of an insult and a demand forthcoming, but the raven haired man cut him off.
“Al, did the man ... offer you any other ... help?” Of course an offer of help could be simply that, but considering the book he was holding, Roy very much doubted it.
“Well, he told me he had a few other books at home that I might want to look at.  He said I could come over and see them anytime I wanted.”
The Colonel let the book fall just in time to wrap his arms around Edward’s hips and pull the man into his lap before he could storm raging out of the apartment.
“What the – let go!” The struggling man demanded.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Roy ground out through gritted teeth. Damn, the younger man was certainly eager to go. The Colonel barely managed to keep him down.
“To return these books,” Ed snarled, the venom in his voice a clear indication that the poor librarian would also get a metal fist in his face for hitting on Edward’s little brother.  “That guy was trying to get into my baby brother’s pants!” Now, that just sounded weird.
“He was trying to get into your younger brother’s pants. Who is in his teens.” Roy reminded the blond, and Ed froze.  That was better.  Ed shifted around until he could look his former superior in the face. Yes, much better. Ed was a very comfortable weight on his thighs.  The Colonel wrapped his arms around the slender waist to keep the younger man in place.
“Now Edward,” the older man began, “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
Alphonse interrupted before his brother could respond.  “Really, brother.  I wasn’t born yesterday.  I´m old enough know when someone is interested in me.  I noticed that he was gay, too, even before he offered to show me his ... private collection.”
Roy automatically started to play his fingers lightly over the cotton of Ed’s shirt soothingly as he contemplated what he had just heard.  While most people thought of Al as too sweet and innocent to notice even a blatant sexual innuendo, the boy had figured out Roy’s – and his brother’s – inclination towards each other very quickly.  Much faster in fact than Roy’s much more mature and jaded crew. So he wasn´t really surprised that Alphonse had noticed the librarian hitting on him.  He just wished that youngster had chosen his words of defense more carefully.  Contemplating the ‘private collection’ the librarian planned to display for Alphonse’ viewing pleasure was sure to be upsetting for the blond, amber eyed champion of his brother’s virtue. 
Roy’s assessment of the situation was quickly proven correct.  Ed’s face darkened in a terrifying mixture of rage and horror.  It took him a moment to realize that his little brother was indeed of legal age, mentally if not physically, and therefore permitted free access to things like alcohol and porn.   Alphonse was also free to have sex with a partner or partners of his own choosing.  And while Roy certainly did not want to think of Al doing those things, he at least acknowledged Alphonse’s right to do them.
Edward’s hands had locked on Roy’s wrists, stopping the comforting movement of the older man’s hands.  The blond shifted a bit closer to better balance his weight. Roy could feel the tension thrumming through Edward’s body.
“You don´t plan to take that guy up on his offer, do you Al?” Edward asked, sounding very much like a man in need of a drink.
“I do.” 
When Edward let out a sound that reminded Roy of a dying animal, Alphonse finally took some pity on his brother. “But not for that. The Colonel is right.  Books can’t answer every question.  I can ask that guy about how his friends and family took his outing. And maybe he can give me some advice about how to deal with that.” The teen’s sheepish grin reminded Roy very much of his brother.  “I know that’s not what he had in mind when he extended his offer, but I really don´t want to have you explain things to me.”
Edward crossed his arms over his chest, likely taking that comment as an insult to his ability to explain things to his brother.
Al held up a placating hand.  “I just don´t want to think about you doing the stuff you are talking about,” Al elaborated.  “So… can you please get off the Colonel’s lap? His hands are under your shirt.”
Now, when did that happen? Roy quickly got his hands away from the warm skin and lifted them in much the same way he did when Riza’s gun was aimed at him.
Sadly, that gave the discomfited older Elric the opportunity to slide off his lap, and Roy’s hands, now Elric-free, quickly moved in search of a new distraction from the fact that the general had rather enjoyed having Ed so near.  The last thing Roy needed was to have yet another boner while Al was present.  He reached randomly for the nearest book and absently started to flip through the pages before really looking at it.
Damn. It just had to be the gay Kama Sutra.
“Fine. But if he tries anything – “ the Colonel barely registered Edward’ voice as he examined the picture on the page along with the description.
Now, that looked … painful. Roy was very sure he would not be able to move his body into that position without injuring himself.  Maybe this book could help prevent a hard on after all. He turned the page.  And stared. Roy quickly snatched a pillow and placed it in his lap to hide his beginning excitement.  “Uhm… Ed?”
“- I should kick him in the sack, and get out of there. Yeah, I get it.” Al finished his brother’s thoughts on how to avoid unwanted romantic advances. 
Satisfied that his little brother understood the logistics, the older Elric turned to Roy. Who had turned the book so the content would face his former subordinate.
“Think you can bend like that?” The Colonel asked.  Yes, the question was a bit on the suicidal side, but the general was dying to know, and this time Roy was in complete agreement with his superior.
Edward was outraged.  “Mustang!” He hissed in a tone that made Roy’s dick wince. “You damn, perverted -“ then Ed’s gaze locked on the illustration and he stopped mid-sentence. “Uhm … that is definitely do-able.” The younger man’s contemplative tone alone was enough make the Colonel’s member jump up like a pensioner who just got his ‘bingo’ after unsuccessful decades of playing the game.
Roy was more than tempted to drag the young man into the bedroom and get living proof of Ed’s flexibility.  His imagination had already started to warm up.
Until Al let out a pained sound and once again, hid his deep red face behind his hands.
No sex with Al around. Damn.
At least Roy was not the only one to suffer. The resignation on Alphonse’ face showed what he thought of his chances to avoid thoughts about his brother having sex. 
When he was finally able to look up again, the youngster sent Roy a very lethal glare.
Uh oh.
Al turned to Edward, smiling sweetly.  In a tone that was far too innocent to be convincing to anyone other than his brother, he asked, as if any answer other than ‘yes’ might destroy his whole world view, “So, since the two of you are doing intimate stuff already, is it safe to say that the Colonel is your boyfriend?”
Damn brat.


I really love cliffhanger >:D

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